North? South? East? West?

I end up thinking what should I do this weekend?

After that terrible (selayaknya aku panggil exam paling dasyat) Modern Methods of Data Analysis a.k.a exam stats, I have to force myself to forget about what I wrote in the exam.  Sebenarnya aku takut tak lulus, nanti kena re-exam, re-exam tarikhnya 19/2.  I will be at Malaysia at that time.  Its all about the future uncertainty, I admit its out of control.  Ikut nasihat hubby aku, tawakkal aje lah.  Insyaallah lulus.  Markah lulus 5.5.  Setiap 4 soalan tu kena betul lebih 5.5, puratanya 5.5.  Ahahha.. main maths pulak.

After the exam, we went for skating.  This is my second time, memang aku semakin agak hebat.  Wonderful experience, only once I fell, trying so hard no to.  Tapi masih lagi aku gundah gulana.  Dalam hati aku, yang paling aku tak paham, berapa panjang aku kena jawab.  Kertas yang dia kasi begitu banyak, tulisan aku pulak kecik je, arghhh… I end up feeling miserable again.

After skating, I went to Nia’s place to solat.  Its raining, wind blew hard since 2 days ago.  Apalagi, macam malas nak balik.  But at 5.20pm, ada straight bus to Bilthoven, but cerita sedihnya, my precious strippenkaart kene curi kat tempat skating (since we left our bag outside).  Arghh… tension, its a new 45 strips strippenkart worth Eur21.60.  So unfortunate of me! Its making my life even more miserable.  Sabar.. sabar… Fuh tarik nafas…

Bila balik, basah lagi, sejuk, lapar and miserable bercampur aduk.  I sat on the couch feeling fragile.  I try to figure, what else I wanted to do.  Untuk mengelakkan hati yang berkecamuk ni, aku ambil baju gaun baru beli untuk Ain, I took out buku jahit manik, keluarkan all the beads I have.  Aku jahit manik, sampai lupa hati aku yang sedih, sayu, pilu ni.  It was what I need, something to ease my pain, and above all, the feeling of missing half part of me.

Lepas jahit manik, aku tambah sulam riben.  Jadilah jugak, ada rupa lah apa aku jahit.  Biasa simple aja aku jahit.  Ni buat aku terfikir, aku salah bidang ke?  In the first place, what quality I have to become a vet?  Am I really fit to teach others (when myself tunggang langgang)… Do I really like to become a lecturer?  (Atau sebab nak dapat kerja tetap).  People made their own choices, same as me.  But why do I feel so uneasy with this now.  Or having PhD is really soooo difficult (especially when you do not know what the hell you are doing).  Aku miserable balik.
Allah tahu apa yang sedang berlaku, harapan aku agar Allah selalu merahmati aku, memberikan rezeki yang melimpah ruah pada aku.

Paling penting, lucky= opportunity+ hard work.

Am I lucky now? (especially part hard work) Hahhaha…

Ya Allah, dengan apa yang sudah aku ada, aku bersyukur dan terima seadanya pemberianmu.  I’m going back to my beads work, before weekend ends and I am back to plan ahead my work!! Yiii haaa!!!

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: