Love because of Allah

Sometimes we are lost in time. Sometimes our plan turns out to be something we would not expect. Though we know that is LIFE, but as life is full of surprises, you are always left with uncertainty of what life is all about.

At times I have forgotten that life is given by Allah; to serve Him and to please Him are all the aspects of what this life is all about, and its not just about this present life, it is also in relation to the future and not so far hereafter.

When Allah has given me a chunk of problem that I could not solve, I felt so hopeless and I come back to Allah. Perhaps, Allah has always wanted me to come back to him. Though it may sound harsh, but thinking how Allah has given me this test to get the feeling of ‘sabr’ is giving me a motivation to stay alive and to stay functioning.

My husband has once again becoming my source of strength. He was the answer to my prayers. When I chose him, its all because of Allah. As years gone by, no one beats the calmness of his soul and his love towards Allah- Allah has given me the most precious gift. Every time I cried, at any time I was tested, he will be there. Not just be there, but emotionally supporting me with his prayers and wisdom. That, I find is the most comforting act of a loving husband. He will read Quran phrases, and of course made me cried again but it does help me; someone who will forever in need of an Imam.

I may think it is my own journey, but in fact when my husband told me he is worried about me and prayed for my safety, I knew right away it has become our journey.

This is what I call, love because of Allah.





Who are we?

People have different needs and wants. Its not something that is new. Its embedded in business theory. In our career life, sometimes we want things to be simple. Others need to  make it grand. Some of us accept how other people behave. Others don’t, and simply asked too many questions; not sure for clarity or for mocking. As for me, I tried to be someone without emotion. Not because I am not being critical. But for me, to be brave in trying something new means we don’t put a criticism or objection before trying. Its interesting that I understand that in marketing; humans are actually emotional creature who think. 

There are many instances that I think I have gone overboard simply because I have become an ‘angry’ creature who thinks other people have been treating me badly. While in reality, they could be 70% or 50% liked me. In the end its about how we perceived things. If we start of thinking other people are nice, we will definitely treat them with respect. Perhaps with better attitude. That is why, students need to respect teachers, regardless if the this person do not know how to teach. In essence, people who knows more than us are teachers and needs to be respected. Well, if we don’t have any good things to say, its better to not saying anything at all.

Why am I debating about it? Well, at one point in our life we wonder who we have become. We are not the same person like we used to be because experience has changed us. We have become someone who understand the mechanics of working world and so we try to adapt to that. Along the way, we either make more friends and of course enemies.

It seemed I have forgotten the most important thing I want in life. The goal that I have written somewhere. This goal is the one that define who I was, am and will be. I wanted to do something good. Listening to many ideas about how to do things are good but trying to be someone who I am not, is another story. People thinks I should be a business minded person, apparently I am not because I am not a trained business person! For god sake!. I am not gifted on that but I have learned that these things can be learned. Not to become a business man but to teach people on theory behind it. Being a businessman is not who I am. In the end, I need businessman to share experience how to do things.

So what exactly I am good at? I am still searching for it.

In the mean time, I just need to do what I have to do. Being a good lecturer 😉




Ali Hassan : Warrior of all time

It was after I got my PhD that I got pregnant with Ali. At that time, I was hoping for a girl. Maybe I love shopping for girl’s clothes than boys, but apart from that I accept whatever that Allah gave as long as my baby is healthy.

The stress of doing PhD has gone. I think I have forgotten how PhD life was all about. I am ready to see the world of academia. I think I was.

When I got pregnant with Ali, I need to teach for the first time. It was a different kind of stress as I need to prepare so many things and I need to talk for 2 straight hours. How can I handle that? Plus, I got tired easily and my brain did not function well. My husband told me the story of his lecturer who got pregnant and did not teach well. As a result, he failed that subject. Owh I can relate to that hormone-me-not good lecturer thingy. My hormone levels are definitely to blame ;p

Other than I have to teach, I needed to attend the most important course to ensure I secure my job. It was held 3 weeks before my due, and apparently it ended on my due date. You can imagine I was the biggest lady in that course. Everyday, I did not fail to attend the course and people always smile as I enter the hall as they always assumed I will not make it until the end. Well guys, my Ali love the food at the course, loves the speech and loves all the drama at the course. Our preserverence to show up until the end of the course did amaze everyone.

I did not have a big appetite 4-5 days before birthing and it did occurred to me that I am in my final days towards giving birth. One day before Ali was born, I was extremely tired. I became more sluggish, my body aches and my legs were in pain. I managed to take a selfie with Ain and Anas in my car on that day for unknown reason. At home, I did not have the energy to move around after having to work all day long. I slept very early, in fact I slept on a bed at our living room downstairs like a baby. Then, I woke up at 3am feeling weird and I thought, owh the water just broke. I went to the bathroom and knew the plug has came off. I went back to the living room and sat on the chair and thought, what should I do. Thats when I started to open the contraction app, which I have played around since 2 weeks before. I tried to detect how far apart my contraction and it was about 20 minutes lag. I said to myself, owh, I’m giving birth. Lets eat.

I took out spaghetti bolognaise from the fridge, a whole plate-lots of it, and reheated it. I ate it and at the same time counted my contraction. Then, I called my husband, using my mobile phone and told him, its time. He woke up, found me eating and asked, what should I do? Well, get ready and lets go to the hospital! Then, I called my sister in law who live in cyberjaya. Thank god, she answered her phone and she will fetch Anas and Ain at Hospital Putrajaya.

On our way to the hospital, the contraction pain started to became noticeable. The pain has become more stronger and more longer. Thats when I started to hate all the bumpy road at Kajang. We arrived safely at Hospital Putrajaya around 4 am. My sister in law also arrived at the same time and took my children to her house. I went inside the waiting room and told the nurse I am giving birth. After I finished all the paperwork, the nurse told me to go the labour waiting room and lie on the bed, which is not so comfy for me anymore.

As I have my phone with me, I still looked at my contraction lag. The pain has become more unbearable as time went by and that was when I started to lie on my side and make more noise. One of the nurse was alarmed with it and told me that they need to check my cervix opening. A few minutes later, a doctor came in to check the cervix opening and told me, well its 7cm now. Owh, no wonder the contraction was very painful. Then, everyone started to become more panic. Its time to put me in labour room they said.

They pushed me into the labour room and that was when I saw my husband came in. He told me, one of the nurse called him to accompany me. In the labour room,  my husband had to leave as its near Subuh prayer. I told him, do what you need to do. Then I was left alone, feeling extremely painful. The nurse started to teach me to use the anesthetic gas to relieve my pain. It was almost 6.30am. The pain was unbearable and I used the anaesthetic gas almost all the time. My husband came and at that moment, I broke into tears. I feel sad, as I was in pain. I thought to myself, why did I want to give birth, AGAIN? I told to my husband, I don’t want to do this AGAIN! And he nod and said, be patient and kiss my forehead.

Then, my gynae came. It was that moment I decided not to lie on my side anymore. I told her, I think I need to push and suddenly I saw many people came into the labour room. Then, when I felt the contraction, I started to push very hard and suddenly, he was out, crying loudly. The nurse put him on my body and I said to Ali, don’t cry sayang. He suddenly stopped crying and looked around. In fact when my husband took him and recite athan, Ali stopped crying to listen to ayah. Owh my.. what a clever boy I have!

Ali, you have been a bundle of joy whom I will love, cherish and care forever.